Music Means More
by shattered.rain
Summary: Ellie must live through the trajic death of Kaleb in progress R&R please


I watched as he ran his fingers along the white piano keys. When he finished I smiled and told him that it was beautiful.

Chapter One

Recording studios must be cold. Kaleb always comes out bitter. He'll usually walk past me and not say a word. I watch him perform and I sing the vocals in my head. Every once in a while, Kaleb will let me in the studio and sing some verses with him. The harmony is always perfect. My voice with his, his voice with mine, just beyond magnificent.

Everyday I'd wake up to a song he was trying to compose. He was either on the electric guitar or the piano. Which depended on how his life was at the time, stressful or calm. Sometimes he'd make me a xylophone piece so I could play and sing along. Most of the time, Kaleb was in love. They were often deep relationships with every type of girl and sometimes I would wonder if he would end up with his best friend. I was always with him, wherever he went. The only time I wasn't with him was when he was in a relationship, and went on dates. I, myself, am not a dating type. Usually, the relationships Kaleb were in ended…awkwardly. You would never be able to guess whom broke up with whom.

We talked a lot, being roommates and all. College wasn't the greatest thing for us. Sometimes Kaleb would have a hard time balancing music and schoolwork. I would often end up doing some of his writing assignments for him, since he went off and met a record label company and usually came home furious and shouting to no one "They made the wrong choice again!" or he would walk in, his head down, and ask me "You still think I have potential and my music is incredible, don't you, Ellie?" and my reply would be "Forever". We really only had each other, since our families shut us out. When he wasn't trying to do his assignments, writing or composing music, he would try and get a job. The inner city was full of African-American racist gangs, but it was the only way we could commute to finding a decent job. Kaleb would come back to the dorm, his hair wild and his eye bleeding. I always had an ice pack and moist towel set up for him in the freezer when he came back, because it was just that predictable.

Some nights, he would go out with a girlfriend and not come back to the dorm. Which means he was having sex in a hotel or motel or whatever he could afford at the time. I was disappointed when he came home the next morning. Kaleb would mutter things like 'I'm an idiot" whenever he walked past me. I never knew that such a beautiful person could fuck a girl and move on. But that was Kaleb.

Sometimes, I think Kaleb knew more about me than I knew about him. For example, he would point out how some days my light brown hair would shine in the dullest of shadows. How, I have no idea, but he was magnificent like that, I suppose. Also, how much he appreciated me being there for him and I would tell him that I would be here for him as long as he was here for me. I loved Kaleb. Kaleb was my best friend.

Chapter Two

I screamed. Thrashing. Dying. Gasping. Awaking. Shaking. Staring into the darkness above me.

Kaleb isn't here to sooth my disturbing nightmares. My nightmares were about him.

There was a breakout. Kaleb was the target. The gangs surrounded him. Knives. Guns. Metal fists.

He called me but broke off mid sentence and I heard running, then a stop, the yelling of deep threatening voices. Stab. A shriek. Shot. A piercing scream. My tears drowning me as I screamed over the phone for him to stay alive. I dialed 911. They were no help so I went down to inner city myself, which is where I found Kaleb. Dead. I screamed and wept over his blood stained body. Cursing the gangs, cursing God, cursing the world.

But, that wasn't my nightmare that was my reality. I dropped out of college for the longest time and worked at Wendy's to afford a decent apartment. When I wasn't working the noon shift, I was at the library checking out 5 books a day. When I wasn't reading or working, I was crying. Kaleb was my life.

Now his piano and guitar sits in the corner of my room. I'd wake up every morning to thoughts of suicide instead of Kaleb's music.

One thing I knew for sure, no matter how much Kaleb missed me in heaven, is that he would never allow me to kill myself. Kaleb's my guardian angel now. He always has been.

Chapter Three

"Ellie and Kaleb" I answered the phone.

"Ellie, you said his name again…" Krissa told me.

"Damn, I can't stop…anyways you rang?" I asked her.

"Oh, yeah, Isaac is switching colleges" Krissa her voice shaking.

"No" I said. Isaac was Krissa's best friend and her boyfriend. I was a close friend of Krissa, we had met in the subway, I don't remember what had happened but we'd been friends ever since.

"Yes" She sobbed.

"Do you want me to come over? There's nothing for me to do besides override my scholarship," I told Krissa. I was going back to school. Krissa made a weeping noise, which I took for a yes.

"I'll be over there in a few," I said immediately hanging up afterwards.

The rain poured on the broken down streets of Hiely Hills, there had been an increasing amount of cracks in the sidewalk since I'd been three and paid attention to them. I could not see a damn thing when driving to Krissa's but somehow I got there. I ran up the slick cement steps to Krissa's townhouse and pounded on the peeled paint door.

The door creaked open. Krissa's eyes were red and she forgot to buy waterproof mascara. I hugged her and she cried into my chest and I stood there taking it all in, knowing how she once felt, only worse. Finally, Krissa looked up to me her blue eyes now a faded green. I frowned and walked her towards the kitchen where I prepared coffee. Tonight would be a girl's night, only filled with forlornness and not fun.

So we had a long chat that lasted until 2 the next morning. I had to run out and buy wine. We got drunk and I hate reality. I hate this small town, but it's all I've ever known and I'm going back to college soon, there is no way I can leave.

Chapter Four

College is worse than hell. College is worse than Kaleb being dead. I just flunked out of college, and why? Kaleb wasn't there. Kaleb isn't here. Period. I just tried to commit suicide the other day, but my guardian angel stopped me. I need to call Krissa. Where's that wine? I need something to hold on to but there's nothing here. Road-trip. That's what I need. I need to call Krissa and get away from here.

I drove to Krissa's townhouse and called from my car "Krissa! Pack your bags! We're leaving this town!" She ran out to the 4 by 4 porch and yelled "Five minutes!" I smiled. Not the cheesy fake smile. A smile from your soul. That is how I felt, truly, happy to finally leave. For good.

Chapter Five

San Francisco. They sent out police to search for us. We were that common. Now we're gone from Hiely Hills. Finally.

Krissa and I checked into a Holiday Inn and unpacked our clothes and memories and threw everything away, well I threw everything away except Kaleb.

We out to a local mall and maxed out our credit cards on bags and bags of couture clothing.

Krissa drove us around and stopped in front of a thrift store "I have $40 buy some clothes a whore would wear because we're going out and having fun" She told me with a small devilish smile. My heart began to quicken and I closed my eyes. _We'll be shameless tonight_ I thought.

I bought the sleaziest top I could find. Zebra striped corset, which was easy to slip off. Krissa bought me a pair of short shorts and said, "You got a nice ass, show it off!" which made my stomach churn. Krissa had the bust and I had the ass.

It was 11:00 and we just arrived to a nightclub called "The North Pole". My breaths shortened and quickened. We entered and sat down while a waitress ordered our drinks. We both had an apple martini. One man came up to Krissa and asked for a dance, I knew she wouldn't be back to the table in time for the check and wouldn't be back until the next morning.

About 20 minutes past and I realized I didn't even drink my martini but the check had been paid and I gave the waitress a nice tip. A handsome man came up to me and asked me my name, "Ellie" I said and in return he said "Johnathon".

"Would you like a dance?" He asked me. The music was fast paced and I was immediately brought back from days I'd wake up to Kaleb strumming furiously on the electric guitar after a bad break-up. I cringed but said yes to the man or Johnathon.

He pulled me close to his body in a very intimate way. The man was nicely built with green eyes that hypnotized you. The song ended and a slower one came on. The man gave me a final twirl at which I drew in a breath. He pulled me even closer our bodies pressed together. He stared at me but I looked everywhere to not meet his gaze. The song ended.

"Here, baby, come along with me" Johnathon pulled me along and I did not hesitate. He took me to a back room and we sat there together for a second. He pulled close again and forcibly kissed me and I kissed back. He was strong and after a few moments of our lip lock. He pulled on my hair in a sensual way and he ran his hands up my shirt and down my back. I quickly drew away from his lock and sat back against a wall.

Reality struck me and I got up without hesitation, I ran out of the room to the car. I drove to the hotel and ran up to the suite Krissa and I shared. There I cried and cried like the night Kaleb died. I had been so wrong. Even though I did not have sex with the man, the only other man I had made love to was Kaleb and I felt I betrayed his love. Our love. So I wept and sobbed and prayed to God to forgive my horrible and impure actions. I put shame on the relationship Kaleb and I had. I went into the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. I hoped I could wash off the person I had been only a few minutes earlier and I think it helped. I wanted to be with Kaleb. So much. My dear guardian angel, I had betrayed. I continued to weep in the bed Krissa and I were to share. I drifted off into sleep.

I awoke the sun in my eyes. Kaleb! I got up and looked in the mirror. Ha! I looked like the Ellie I had known 2 days ago. I smiled and now knew that Kaleb and God had forgiven me. I could move on. I noticed Krissa was not here yet so I went down to the lobby where they hosted breakfast and while in the middle of my Froot Loops, Krissa walked in. Her hair was wild. I closed my eyes in shame of her. Sometimes I wondered if she had a conscience. She came and sat next to me and smiled. Though I found myself not able to look at her. She playfully hit my arm.

"Come on, old Ellie, a girl's gotta have some fun!" Krissa said. I winced and didn't bother to look up. Krissa was a hooker. She became serious.

"Ellie," Her tone fierce, "lighten up, please." I looked up and glared at her.

"Krissa…why?" I asked.

"Oh! So Kaleb is allowed to go out and fuck girls but your best friend cannot?" She whisper yelled.

"Don't speak of him like that! At least he had a conscience afterward!" I hissed back. Krissa got up and walked away.

That was the last time I ever saw my best friend, Krissa.

**Chapter Six**

I drove back to Hiely Hills. Everyone realized I wasn't dead but asked about Krissa.

"She was hit by a car," I'd say. Krissa was in fact, dead to me.

I went back to my apartment that I shared with Kaleb and threw away my couture clothes and everything that reminded me of San Francisco or Krissa.

After I filled up the local dumpster of memories, I sat on the futon and stared at Kaleb's guitar. After a few minutes of staring at his guitar, I picked it up, ever so carefully and sat it on my lap in playing position. I ran the tips of my fingers along the strings and I played a song he had taught me. As I began the first few lines I felt Kaleb's soul streaming into mine and I heard our voices singing together.

_Waves along the ocean shore, you know, I've never wanted anyone else more. _

Reality rushed back and I began to cry. I need him so much. I found myself dying and I wandered into the kitchen and pulled out a knife.

I swiped my wrist and I watched the blood stream out. I felt a force push me down and I sobbed and apologized to Kaleb because I knew he would want me to live. I grabbed the closest towel and held it on the cut, which I knew would leave a scar. I closed my eyes and kept them tight and fell asleep on the linoleum kitchen floor where my guardian angel had pushed me to, to save my life.

*-*

The community college let me back in after my "disappearance". My empty seat next to me told me that Krissa was dead. Because she would have come home by now. I don't know how to feel about it.

"Ellie!" The professor awoke me from my thought wandering.

"Yes?" I answered.

"What is-" I blacked out before he finished his words. I heard Kaleb's voice.

"_Ellie, just live life, for me, just go on and be happy, every time you cry, every time you attempt suicide I feel like a horrible person, so please, don't cry. And even when you can't help but cry I'll catch your tears and when you feel like dying I'll heal your soul and when you bleed I'll clean up the pain. Stay alive for me Ellie I love you too much to deprive you of your life. Don't feel like my life was cut short because I didn't live a full life. It was you, Ellie you completed me. Just always remember that I love you. Forever." _

I woke up screaming his name. Pleading for him to take me to Heaven. After a minute I returned to my senses and saw the faces of my classmates over my head and my hair was wet. I fainted. And they inconveniently dumped water on me. How nice.

I walked home, not able to drive and I remembered what Kaleb told me. He told me he loved me, forever. I completed him. He loves me too much. My heart sank and rose over and over.

I'm lonely. Completely. No Kaleb. No Krissa. I don't know where to go. Kaleb forbids me to go to heaven. Krissa is dead. I belong nowhere. I've never been anywhere besides Hiely Hills. I'd explore but I can't leave the apartment. I can't leave Kaleb's guitar or piano. Maybe I'll move to Florida…

Chapter Seven

Palm trees annoy the fuck out of me. The moving truck should arrive any minute. FSU accepted me and I have no idea why. If any of Kaleb's instruments are damaged, I'm suing.

I walked onto campus only to find a bunch of floridians dressed in Abercrombie polos and khaki pants. Oh, fun. My first class was Theatre because I had nothing else that I was good at and they didn't offer the low community college major I was taking back in Hiely Hills. So I moved my sophmore behind to the room where my class was.

"Are you Ellie Kayleen?" Asked a brunette girl.

"Yeah" I replied. At least someone seemed nice here.

"I'm your roommate", She smiled, "I'm Kelly Loudon".

But before I could reply the teacher stepped atop the mini stage and shouted,

"Hello class, You shall call me Ms. T" Then she scanned the class. Smirks on other's faces, including mine. I glanced over at Kelly but she seemed focused.

"You!" Ms. T pointed her thin finger right at me. My eyes widened and I was suddenly nervous as I walked to stand on the mini stage next to her. There was barely any room for us because she was so plump...

"Have you suffered a death?" She asked me.

"Yes" My throat tightened. Oh no, I thought.

"Who?" Ms. T asked me.

"My best friend" I replied. My eyes began to water.

"What was their name?"

"Kaleb Dayze" I choked back tears.

"How did they die?" She was ruthless.

"He w-was shot a-and stabbed b-by a gang" I struggled to speak clearly behind my oncoming sobs. Ms. T's face was expressionless while my classmates stared at me with pity and sorrow.

"I am done with you" She dismissed me from the tiny stage where I was about to break. But by the time I reached my seat I was crying. Hard. I felt Ms.T and the class staring at me as I hid my face in my hands, gasping for breath. How could I be so weak.

I lifted my head and she was smiling at me, I wanted to give her a nasty look but decided not to pull any strings on my first day. After a good minute of smiling at me, I asked,

"W-what?" Still trying to hold in my despair.

"You'll go far in this business" Ms.T finally said. My mouth dropped and my eyes turned to slits. That bitch, thought I was _acting!_

"I wasn't acting!" I shouted at her.

"I know, but your pain is so real that you won't fake cry ever again" Her logic seemed reasonable. So i accepted the compliment, but my eyes were still watery and my hand were soaked.


End file.
